Time

Well, it's been awhile... Didn't want anyone to think I forgot about my "bleeding heart" blog that I created in order to get me through TT and turned out to be my therapy after. Its been a year, almost to the date since I arrived at the Radisson Hotel at LAX. A year since embarking on, what I thought would be a yoga teacher training program. Instead what I found was myself and the venue in which I found it was on the yoga mat, in Los Angeles, at the Radisson, concrete jungle, nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. The transformation that I have experienced since the Spring 2012 TT has been profound. Profoundly hard, sad, confusing, hurtful and painful. That was the beginning. What happened next, over the last year, has been nothing short of a wonder. I have experienced my greatest personal growth, in my life, since then. But it wasn't delivered to me on a platter. How about on a bed of nails. (does that make sense?) The lengths that I needed to push myself were incredible. You know how you hear the phase "phoenix rising"... well I now know what the hell that is... it's me. I've broken through ALL the shit I had been carrying with me for so many years. I left it behind. It's all, now, in the past and I lead with my heart. I lead with compassion for myself. I want to feel more and love more. I see only good things.. I see myself. To all the Yogins at the Bikram Spring 2013 TT happening now - I wish you all the best. You don't have to break your life in two to find yourself, like I did. Everyone has their own path to take and I know you will find it! Namaste.

Anguilla dreaming

Hi. If you're reading my post from Anguilla. I'm ready to come visit. Anytime..... Just looked up your island. Do people really get to live in such a beautiful place? It looks like a fairytale land, like where Peter Pan lives. Boise is still cold. Snowed again, but the sun is out. No yoga today and to be honest I think I overindulged in wine last night. My sister is visiting. Lots of good talking and wine drinking. Tommorrow back in the hot room. Have some interesting yoga things to say but another time. Got to run the kids to their Dad's house. But Anguilla - I'll be waiting.... really.

Yoga Ready

I've been doing a couple doubles lately. Feels so good after the second class about the time you're in Eagle. Hardest part is again, just walking into the hot room. 90% of the work is just showing up. Next 10% is a ass kicking but it feel so good. The good bit is directly after class. I feel so good that I've done my work, 90 minutes, once again. Love this yoga. So, I've started a great project. This summer I'm putting together the "Idaho Health and Yoga Awareness Week". Really excited about it. It's my own Karma Yoga. I have help from a few key yoga practitioners from around the state. All different yoga disciplines. I met with a few physicians so far and it looks likely that I will have access to teach yoga in the hospital and distribute information about the Awareness Week in the clinics. I'll be attending conferences that deal with health and fitness, promoting the week. I hope I have an opportunity to present data at a couple. There's so much good yoga data now. Showing direct benefit with the human body, chronic disease and quality of life. The Cleveland Clinic just brought on a Yoga Manager to teach full time to docs and patients. I know this is the future of health care. Part of it. East and West. Together and simultaneously 50/50....

Belarus

First thing I want to say is whomever is reading my blog in Belarus, you rock! I didn't even know that was a country until you popped up. Now I do. Learning all the time. So cheers to you, way way way up there in Belarus. I would like to come visit someday. Still want to hit Latvia. Teach for Kristop's Dad. (hint hint) OK so yes, I enjoy looking at all the countries who visit my blog. Very cool. Such a big world, such a small world. Looking forward to seeing much much more. Looking for a place to visit after Nice, France this summer with Paul. Late August if anyone needs us in the EU. So, what can I say, life is good. My practice is still changing, developing. I find that the more centered I am during practice is a direct correlation to my life events. Such a peaceful place to be. Peace of mind.... hmmmm kind of like this. A friend laughed at me the other day becuase she asked what food item I was bringing to a party and I said, "I'll bring the drama". Funny, yes I used to bring that... not so much anymore. Only on special occasions now. Namaste.

BOI-SLC-PDX-MFR-William Shakespeare Land

In route from Boise, Idaho to Medford, Oregon (ultimately Ashland, OR) the hard way or the fun way. Boise via Salt Lake City, then back the other direction to Portland (here now) to Medford and cab ride to Ashland. Teaching back in "William Shakespeare Land" for the next four days. Seriously missing these Yogins (I think that's plural for yogi). I love Ashland and it doesn't suprise me that I'm, once again, drawn to this area of the world. I thought about moving here after my last visit. But no dice. Can't do it without the kids. It's ok, everything is fucking better than ok, it's great. I'm working with State of Idaho to do a "proclamation" for a Yoga Week. I'm in the beginning steps of putting together the largest yoga class ever in the state. To be held this summer on the steps of the capital building. If you're reading this blog, then consider yourself invited. Namaste.

First Gear

In route to Ashland, Oregon to teach. Can't wait. I have a history with Ashland. I used to live in Seattle. Went to college at the University of Washington, back when the football team was good. Huskie football, still coming back. Sometimes is takes a while (or 15 years). Seattle to Ashland is 8 hours driving. I loved to visit during the summer. The Shakespeare festival is one of the nations best. Ashland is one of those small, but big towns, that attracts a lot of diverse interests. So you can easily disappear. (Ketchum, Idaho is another one of these gems) Lots of art, lots of natural beauty, lots of really good food. And Bikram yoga! What else do you need? The last class I taught in Boise, I brought up "born baby, die baby", from our Guru Bikram Choudhury. Didn't think that would be coming out of my mouth yet. But it did. Straight into "first gear, second gear, third..." (this is for all the BHY teachers out there) I've arrived at the point where I can teach and think of something else while teaching. Sounds easy enough but seriously its like learning how to walk. Learning to love the dialoge. Paul makes fun of me because I read it alot still. Australians... What's up with the blooming onions and Foster beer anyway?

New Year!

Time to check back in. Went to Austalia to visit Paul over Christmas. My third trip in last six months. I'm starting to worry about blood clots in my legs from the long haul flights. A much better thing to worry about than the flight going down in flames, which I would think about over and over again after 9/11. I was living in New Jersey when the towers were hit. My sister lived in NYC. I could see the smoke. Panic was everywhere. I started actually having panic attacks, on planes, after that. But that's all in the past now. No more panic. Christmas was beautiful. And now off into a new year. 2013 has much in store. I leave for Ashland, Oregon in a week to teach. Be back in Salt Lake, with Paul this time, in March. I'll teach in France for a month this summer as well! I told myself two years ago that I would #1. Go to TT and become a BHY instuctor and then #2. Teach in France. Anything is attainable, nothing is insurmountable. Absolutely nothing. Teaching is pure joy. I feel like I'm part of the class, in my mind I'm doing the postures with my students. It's so increadible to see what people are capable of. Truly. 2013. Bring it!

The Invitation

I've been thinking more and more about one of my favorite poems. I posted it once before but wanted to share it again as it represents much of my thought process of 2012 Enjoy. Much love!! http://www.inspirationpeak.com/poetry/theinvitation.html

2013

Holidays are here. Month of December already half through. This year, my ex has the kids, for Christmas. First year experiencing the alternating holidays, first year for a lot of things. I had dinner with a friend the other night. I told her that, "I BELIEVE that my life has amazing things in store. I'm evolving, making up for years of stagnation". I feel that I'm living. Really living. Each day is different and special. My practice is deepening. I feel my body opening again. Deeper backbends. More focus. My teaching is coming along. I look forward to teaching in Ashland Oregon next month. One of my favorite places. Shakespeare, good food, nature... All the Best.. Happy holidays. 2013 - bring it!

"Don't Judge The Cellulite"

I'm here in Portland, Oregon. Continuing my yoga teaching adventures. Taught last night in Portland after a 8 hour drive. Taught the 10 in Vancouver, Washington. Just over the Columbia river. Again, beautiful students and generous studio owners. Allowing a complete stranger to show up and teach in their place. They say I'm the brave one. What I'm doing. Showing up, teaching in a new space. The studio owner in Portland, Michael, said "I like how you roll". Going back to the bravery component. I'm just happy to teach. Everything is good. Everything is everything. I overheard a student walking into the 10 this morning. "don't judge the cellulite". I smiled. Don't judge, or find yourself judged. So true. I hope the holidays are especially magical. Keep up your practice. This is the time we all need it the most. Bring a friend, share the experience. Cellulite and all...

Karma Yoga

Karma Yoga: "The word karma is derived from the Sanskrit kri, meaning 'to do'. In its most basic sense karma simply means action, and yoga translates to union. Thus karma yoga literally translates to the path of union through action. Karma yoga is described as a way of acting, thinking and willing by which one orients oneself toward realization by acting in accordance with one's duty (dharma) without consideration of personal self-centered desires, likes or dislikes. One acts without being attached to the fruits of one's deeds". I have been the beneficiary of "karma yoga" here in Salt Lake City, Utah. I traveled to SLC to visit Rahn Miralles, a student who graduated with me at TT. I told Rahn that I was having difficulty starting to teach. Rahn has been a teaching powerhouse since leaving Training. Rahn has his own special story, but imagine, he has lost over 200 pounds so far after starting BHY. Yoga has saved his life, I'm sure. Teaching wise, Rahn taught 22 classes in one week! He's well over 200 or 300 total? Me, I'm at 8. I can't express the gratitude I have for the SLC Bikram community! So increadibly welcoming, so supportive, so yogi. The students here are A-mazing. Really. These yogis rock. I've been teaching classes daily with 40+ students. So beautiful. So powerful. So Salt Lake!!!

Happy

Thanksgiving Day in America. Off to do the 10 soon. I'm Thankful for happiness. The happiness my children give to me everyday, especially in the smallest ways, which can escape in a second if you let it. Happiness for the determination and courage inside myself to take risks. Happiness in the beauty of nature that surrounds me wherever I am in the world. Happiness for the love shared by people inside and outside the yoga studio. Happiness for a strong healthy body that protects me and prevents injury. Happiness for a mind that searches for the truth. Thankful that I have continued to achieve my life goals one by one. The power of intention is truely remarkable. I hope you all are finding your own personal way to create happiness in your own life. Where ever you are, I feel connected to you all over the world. Much love....

AU

Just returning from trip to Sydney, Australia. So beautiful there. Water everywhere. Nature, trees... Birds that are part feral. Kinda scary... Was stung by a jellyfish at Shelly Beach in Manly. Holy hell that really hurt. Took yoga class from my favorite instructor at Bondi Beach studio. Paul, you're amazing. Love hearing your voice and practicing at the same time. Even though I had to beg for a foot massage during spine strengthening. I'm so proud of you. I love being on this crazy journey with you by my side. I teach one more class in Boise before heading to Salt Lake City, Utah to get some mentoring from Rahn and various studio owners. Looking forward to that... The second Bikram TT fall session is coming to a close soon. Best of luck to all the new teachers graduating and Kathy coming back to Boise!!

Touchstone

It always makes me smile when I see that yogis have read about my journey from all over the world. Russia, Germany, Canada, United Kingdom, Netherlands, Latvia, Turkey, Pakistan.... And so on. Part of my desire in putting out a "raw" telling of my story was to help others feel not so alone. Maybe give someone courage to face a change or challenge in their own life. Be it someone living in America or Egypt. People are people and we all live only one life. There's no changing that. You are born into a place and begin a journey. Life's journey of learning, adapting, changing, loving. Just being. I try to be my best self. Yoga has changed me and has opened up my heart and soul in ways that I'm left awestruck. I don't recognize my life anymore before starting yoga. It was the key to inner self realization and is now my touchstone. I hope that your practice is equally rewarding. It's a sacred act. Make sure your own 90 minutes in the hot room is just that. You're own time to peel back the layers of you. Be amazed by what you find and keep going...

Gangnam Style

Taught class numero cautro today. My first 6AM. Wow, couldn't sleep most of the night, thought I would miss the alarm. Decided to just get up at 4:30AM and get on with it. OK, so the students that attend the 6AM are ripped up. The energy in the room was complete dedication and concentration. No messing around. My throat went dry during Eagle. Drank a little water and felt better. Got a hair in my mouth at one point and couldn't talk. Wierd.... All in all, good class. Didn't sweat nearly as much. Good thing because the teacher sweating more than the students just isn't right. Enjoyed the class. Numero cinco tomorrow. Just returned home from a nice long road trip. Portland, Oregon to Seattle, Washington to Tri-cities, Washington back to Boise. Me and my dog Piccolo, Gangnam Style. Was able to practice in three different towns. Loved going in and saying, "Hi I'm a teacher from Boise". Good times.

A look back

I'm in Portland, Oregon. Spent the night with my brother Chris best friend Tim and his wife Alex. Portland just has vibe about it that says "I'm sexy and I know it" without trying. Like it here. I'm on my way to Seattle to visit my sister and friends. Last night I talked about the events leading to my divorce because Tim and Alex really wanted to understand. I told them how I felt the day I left for TT. My car was packed and I was LA bound. I told them that as soon as I drove out of my driveway I knew that I never wanted to come back. And I never did. The farther away I got, the more free I felt and that feeling has never left me. The house represented a lot of sadness, loneliness, heart ache, confusion and isolation. I didn't leave the people in the house behind. I still have an amazing bond of love with my children, who I cherish. My ex-husband and I didn't have any sort of bond that meant anything. I guess a bond of friendship. Lots of isolation however felt by each of us. Alex recalled how as a child she grew up in a loveless marraige. As a adult, she felt very confused about marraige and relationships. Her sister is not married at 38. Her passion about living a life that represents YOU was beautiful. She and her husband are committed to this pursuit. Anyway, enough looking back. I taught my third class yesterday. It was great. Really great. Happy

Mirror Image

It might be a yoga term to say, "I'm your mirror, reflecting what you need back to you". Not sure. Maybe it's just a left over New Age phrase? In any event, I've heard it A LOT lately. I've heard it so often that I thought I would punch the next person who said it to me in the face. Seriously, this is not a joke, I was at a party the other day and a STRANGER told me that they were my mirror. Really!!! Is this necessary? I taught my second offical class yesterday. Not bad. I had a couple moments of panic. One was during Standing Head to Knee. I had five students in the class and at one point nobody was doing the posture, at all. I was still saying the dialoge, but everyone was either standing, resting or looking disgusted. Kind of scared the shit out of me. But figured out, with the help of Jamie, that the reason I felt that way was because I was totally disconnected with what was happening in the room. I felt the disconnect and it bothered me. It was a really good teaching leason for me. I don't need to get scared, just back it up and slow it down. Teach to what's happening in the room at the time, so that students are not injured and continue to be connected. The energy in the yoga room is so powerful that you can feel what is going on, even if your eyes are closed, I bet.

Bad Neighborhood

At my new favorite hide away, Sol Bakery, on Hill Road in Boise, Idaho. In the loft so I can smell the sweet and savory productions being made by hand downstairs and spy on customers coming in. There's a massage therapist arriving shortly to provide free chair massages. (just told) So, pretty much found my nirvana for the moment. Then off to take Julie Grants FIRST YOGA CLASS today at noon. I went to TT with Julie. We were both battling it out to be the "offical LAST teacher to teach". So, we both struggled a lot with the dialoge, who the hell cares... It is what it is and I guess that's what it is, isn't it? So, I had a bunch of funny things to share but I think for another day. Feeling good, happy. Getting OUT of my head. Someone said at TT, to get OUT of our heads because it's a bad neighborhood. Couldn't agree more....

End Game

Ok so here it is... The big one... I finally, finally taught my FIRST yoga class infront of real, live, paying students yesterday. Wow, thank goodness. Many, many, many people, most of all me, are relieved. Geeez you would think that I was preparing to climb Everest. The class was good. I was told too expect to be really bad, in order to manage my expectations. And it turned out good. I was OK. I made it through. Nobody died, nobody was injured, no fainting (I was most worried about myself). But I did it and I'm very happy. It only took going through a grueling 9 week teacher training, one month in hiding from my life in SoCal, one intervention, one divorce, three residence moves and a whole lot of sweat and tears to get to the end, teaching a class. I used to joke around, after TT, that at least I knew what my sexual orientation was through it all. Happy to report that I'm still a woman. I know that I'm going to love teaching. I'm proud of myself. I'm excited to teach more. Next class should be in about a week, or week in a half. So, ya people, I did it. Done... next...

Pieces of Gratitude

I had a thought during final savasana yesterday. Just finished a gruelling practice by Jordin a regular teacher at Darlinghurst studio, in Sydney, AU. Jordin is from Great Falls, MT but is living in Sydney on a year visa. Teaching 10-15 a week and taking everyday. The room was HOT, I was set up right in front of the floor heater (oops), thus my head on fire most of time. Lots of yogis/yoginis, I would say 60 easy. Sometimes you need a really HOT and hard practice to breakthrough again. Push yourself to the point where you have nothing left to give. THEN, that's when you're rewarded with the final savasana and the brain and body relax and open. I thought about my journey, so far, after TT. The confusion I felt at TT, the subsequent divorce, the struggle to teach, the effect of my actions on others, especially my children.... It's all been tough but I had a revelation that I have become someone, now, that I always admired. There's a family I know, where the parents both have a easy spirit and an sense of adventure. Kindness and compassion towards others and the world. They follow their heart and not always their brain, even though both are highly accomplished physicians. I looked up to them, because I wanted to acquire a sense of freedom and peace that they portrayed. I realized yesterday that I have started making this my own reality. I wanted to be open, compassionate, a student of the world, someone not stuck, but free to follow my hearts desire to contribute to the world in a personal way. Freedom of your own soul leads to peace. The pieces are coming together. I'm grateful.